The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
