I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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