I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize