plz talk dirty to me
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
