She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize