Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize