I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
