24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
