There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Ladies don't puke and tell
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
