I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
