he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
