So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
