i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
