atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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