guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
