So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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