I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
