Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize