Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
