Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
