After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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