ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Randomize
