so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
