Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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