Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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