i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
