dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
