Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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