Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
