Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
