He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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