I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
