I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize