Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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