Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
