I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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