im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
