whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
