ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
