Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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