I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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