i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
