why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
