shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
