If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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