Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
