Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
