A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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