I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Randomize
