Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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