It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
