My entire life is one complicated drinking game
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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