I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
