dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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