Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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