There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
