Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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