OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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