Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
