It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
well you can't waste a boner
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
