I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
