it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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