I CAN MOONWALK!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize