i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
