Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
