A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Send help, water and tortillas.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
