i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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