I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
