from now on my penis is your penis
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
