I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
