and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
