Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
