yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
