woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
