I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
