They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
