Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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