Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
That's how pantless uber rides happen
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
