Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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