You just made me feel so damn special
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
