I heard we made out
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize