Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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