My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
