That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
smell my finger.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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