there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
