True but thats because hes a fetus.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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