Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
