He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She's the barista slut.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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