somebody snuck up and got me drunk
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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