I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
