He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
