I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
