When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize