I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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