Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I can text with my tongue
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
