We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
