WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
