dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
